When Can I Burn A Christmas Candle?
From October 15th through January 15th. It's the earliest holiday activity on the docket, and it's early for one reason: a candle is deniable.
If anyone asks, it's fir and cedar, and you just like the woods. There's no snowman on it. There's no way to prove what you were thinking when you lit it. Scent is the one holiday crime the Court has never been able to get a conviction on, and it has tried.
The Court's own chambers have smelled like a spruce since Labor Day, and not one person has said a word.
The line gets crossed by labeling. A candle called Winter Forest is a candle. A candle called Santa's Workshop, with a little reindeer on the jar, sitting out where company can read it, is a decoration, and that falls under the ruling on decorations. Turn the label toward the wall until the day after Thanksgiving. This is what lawyers call a strategy.
A couple of notes from the bench that aren't jokes. Trim the wick, keep it away from anything that catches, and don't leave it burning in an empty room. Nobody wants to explain to a fire department that it was only fir and cedar.
After January 15th it's back to smelling like laundry. The Court doesn't make the rules. Well, it does, but it's sorry about this one.
The Ruling: Allowed from October 15 through January 15.
This ruling comes from a joke website. There is no court. The dates are our opinion, and the practical tips are ordinary common sense, so use your own judgment.